A Review of That Which Sparkles.

It's TWILIGHT.

Okay, just to get this out there - I used to be a mega-fan of the story. I think it was a mixture of pre-teen angst and the fact that it wasn't popular yet, but I absolutely loved the story (with the exception of Breaking Dawn, which I will address in a moment).

...Until it became a world icon for the concept of vampirism. That was the point where I went: "okay, this pre-teen, sappy romance novel has taken things a little too far." I grew up appreciating stories like Anne Rice's Pandora, or Queen of the Damned. I also grew up on movies that depicted vampires as generally vicious, instinct driven creatures. Was vampire-human mating possible? Perhaps. Was is dangerous? Certainly.

But the vampires that I knew before Twilight had a tendency of burning in the sun, not sparkling like a cheap tank top from Wal-Mart.

On the whole, I look back and tend to wonder what the heck I was thinking. This series was a complete insult to good literature, and was the loading zone for just about every bad romance stereotype out there. Those who hated it from the beginning - I take my hat off to you.

From a pure writing standpoint, I think Breaking Dawn takes the cake for being the embodiment of bad fanfiction that was published and allowed into our local bookstores. Honestly. This, perhaps, may just be the cynic in me, but the story was TOO...happy. I lost every ounce of respect for Stephenie Meyer upon reading the fourth installment to an all 'round passable series. Was I disappointed? Immensely.

My biggest issue was the fact that Eclipse builds up to this extraordinary clash between the Cullens and the Volturi. This is also built even further into Breaking Dawn itself. I think the best visual I can give is one of those charts we were given as kids, you know the ones that were a labelled line of a story's progression? Beginning, turning point, rising action, climax, falling action, conclusion. (I apologize if I missed any crucial segment). The entire story just sort of left off at the tip of the rising action. It built and built and built and built and built...

...but never came to a head. Nothing ever managed to get to that climax. I feel very strongly that Meyer was just too in love with her characters to let any sort of battle occur. Frankly, this was a major mistake, and cost her a lot of respect in the eyes of her older followers. The pre-teens loved it, but those of us who have grown up and realized that perfect happy endings do not exist were robbed of a good ending. I have this saying, when it comes to writing: you send twenty of your characters to war, and you know your writing sucks when twenty come back. That sort of thing is just not feasible. It's unimpressive, childish idealism. I wish that Meyer had taken a step out of her story, away from her fans, and written the last book the way that the world she'd created would allow it to go. She twisted and contorted everything that we'd learned to love about the Twilight world. I'm ashamed that I wasted my time to read the novel, actually. I would have been happier with the open ending of Eclipse.

...And let us not even get me started on Renesmee. As a hopeful writer, I would rather sever every finger I use to type than do something that horrific to my story.

Anywhoo, it was this problem with Breaking Dawn that led me to readdress the series as a whole. What I found, I must say, did not please me.

If forced to choose, Eclipse was my favourite. Perhaps it was the fact that Meyer actually managed to make herself kill multiple things (even if they were villains). I'm not sure, but of the four, it was the only part that I actually still enjoy.

Twilight in of itself, actually, is an awful novel. It's full of sappy drivel that asphyxiated me with its gooey-goodness. Ugh. Talk about a painful read. The romance of Bella and Edward was just too easy. I think Meyer just added in the whole "I vant to suck your blood" thing to try to make the romance seem less forced and immediate. I do not believe in soul mates, therefore I absolutely despised the whole cafeteria scene when she first sees him. (Which was done in an appropriately stereotypical fashion in the film adaptation). Further, the actual character of Bella herself is dull, uninviting, and impossible to connect with. When writing from first-person, you need a character that is relatable and realistic. Meyer seemed to disregard that in favour of a cardboard box cutout that served as a poor excuse for a progatonist.

If I had to give a serious rating on the entire Twilight saga, I would give it a very generic four out of ten. I know that may seem high to those of us who hate the story, but there are some appealing aspects to it that actually drew me in the second time around. However, I can't rate it average or even slightly above average because anyone over fourteen will gag on the cheesy romance, perfect outcomes to every situation regardless of severity, and suffocatingly pointless angst.

However, after all this bashing of Meyer's work, I found that The Host was an exceptional story. The plot moved a tad slow in the beginning (something that a few friends of mine found impossible to get past, so they never finished the book). If you're patient, however, you'll find that the plot was worth the wait. It's a generally well done fantasy/sci-fi novel with refreshing characters and a unique outlook on humanity itself. In my opinion, it's the best book Meyer's written, and I would be surprised if she trumped it in future years of her writing career.

Shockingly enough, Meyer's newest novel (a side-story of a character from Twilight saga's Eclipse) titled The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, was also an excellent (albeit unfortunately short) story. I recommend both this book and The Host, if you want something to read in your spare time.

~~ Ze NeRd